Breathing
by Lady Lu Bu
Summary: Songfic to Yellowcard's 'Breathing'. Nobody loves Orochimaru. I do. Read this little piece of angst about his last night in Konoha. WARNING one use of the 'F' word.


Wahh! Songfic time! My first and I hope you like it. Please review, criticise and eat it with utmost pleasure...

Summary – Orochimaru's last night in Konoha with someone he loved, set in between the verses of 'Breathing' by Yellowcard. They own the song. The writer of Naruto owns Orochimaru (damn damn damn!). I own nothing, NADA…

_Eyes are feeling heavy but they never seem to close  
The fan blades on the ceiling spin but the air is never cold  
And even though you are next to me I still feel so alone  
I just can't give you anything for you to call your own_

It must be close on 4 in the morning now. And still I can't sleep. I've been tossing and turning for hours, trying to force my eyes shut so I can rest before I start my long journey. The air in the room is oppressive, still thick with the rancid smoke of hell only knows WHAT I was brewing in the laboratory. Brewing… until my saviour came to see me. Brewing until they leapt on me, pinned me to the wall, and kissed my life away. My sanity vanished with that kiss, just as I must vanish with the night. With them, I did not feel so isolated. But I am still an outcast, and no number of soft kisses or gentle caresses can change that.

_And I can feel you breathing  
And it's keeping me awake  
Can you feel it beating?  
My heart's sinking like a weight._

My lover's breath is like a storm wind next to my ear. I cannot sleep, thinking too much about what we just did. I am thinking about what I will leave behind when I flee Konoha like a coward, preferring to become a wanted criminal rather than face up to my mistakes. My lover reckons I could change, become the carefree child I once was… Too late. I have made my choice. But looking at them now, asleep beside me, the decision weighs heavy on my heart.

_  
Something I've been keeping locked away behind my lips  
I can feel it breaking free with each and every kiss  
I couldn't bear to hurt you but it's all so different now  
Things that I was sure of, they have filled me up with doubt_

I long to tell you the truth about me. I have come so close so many times, your kisses freeing the words until I almost, almost believe I can tell you my secret. I want to tell someone why I am searching for immortality. I want to tell someone why I want to learn every technique known to man, why I have been slicing up my team mates and my own family. I want to tell THEM, the warm presence next to me. But I can never tell anyone. If I do, I shall die.

_  
And I can feel you breathing  
And it's keeping me awake_

Can't you just be quiet? Your breath is stopping me from thinking straight… although it would be oh so easy to snuff it from you and make you my latest cadaver.

_  
Can you feel it beating?  
My heart's sinking like a weight_

My heart is pounding as I lean over you, intending to smother you with the pillow – my last victim and a message to the village that nobody is safe, not even those closest to me.

_  
I can feel you breathing  
It's keeping me awake._

FUCK! STOP IT! YOU'RE SENDING ME EVEN CRAZIER!

_  
Could you stop my heart? It's always beating.  
Sinking like a weight_

But I… I can't kill you. You're the only person who has ever even remotely come close to the person I really am. Your love and trust of me, from the first day we met, has (even though I have never told you) meant an awful lot to me. You could kill me. Please do – it would be a release from this agony.

_  
How am I supposed to feel about the things I've done?  
I don't know if I should stay or turn around and run  
I know that I hurt you, things will never be the same  
The only love I ever knew, I threw it all away_

I've thought about staying. I've thought about what it would mean, to stay here and be with you forever. But you'd always be seen as 'the murderer's lover'. I don't want that for you. You deserve better than me. But you told me you loved me, and that is why I have to leave. I can't stay with someone I have hurt so much. I replied that I loved you in my usual mechanical way. I didn't mean it. I never have. Love is for humans. I am anything but.

_  
And I can feel you breathing  
And it's keeping me awake  
Can you feel it beating?  
My heart's sinking like a weight_

The sun is getting dangerously close to rising. I have to go, even though I have not slept and I am so tired. I must go and pursue my destiny. I must go and gather an army, in preparation for HIS great plan. I must leave you, my angel. Sleeping so softly. Killing me inside with your beauty. I wish nothing but happiness for you. I wish for you to never see me again.

_  
I can feel you breathing  
._

My heart hardens as I push the covers back. You turn onto your back, your fragile frame coated in gold by the rising sun. I notice, as I hurriedly dress, that your belly is rounder than usual. Somewhere in the back of my head, I hear HIS laughter, gloating over the fact that I have spread his seed into the world.

_It's keeping me awake  
_

All the more reason to leave.

_Could you stop my heart? It's always beating.  
_

The sound of your breathing stays with me as I climb onto the windowsill, ready to take myself off wherever destiny will lead me. Farewell. My heart is heavy as I cast one last glance at your beautiful body, but as I look at you, I feel HIM taking away any feelings of love or caring I ever had for you. I have died. I am his.

_Sinking like a weight_

Tsunade…


End file.
